


Quintessential

by PurpleArrowzandLeather



Series: One Big Batty Family [6]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman Beyond, Justice League: War, Son of Batman (2014), Under the Red Hood
Genre: Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, I love Bruce Wayne's kids, Wonder Woman is too Pure, ah grocery shopping, subtle chaos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-11-06 07:38:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17935580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurpleArrowzandLeather/pseuds/PurpleArrowzandLeather
Summary: Bruce Wayne and his children go on a grocery shopping trip. Alfred is on vacation and the Justice League members are the new chaperones. It's actually not so bad... at least in Bruce's opinion.





	Quintessential

**Author's Note:**

> Not a fan of Green Lantern much, but Hal Jordan's an okay dude. I just can't take the ring seriously. I think the fact that he's sometimes played by Nathan Fillion helps a bit.  
> Also, in terms of chaos, it's very subtle. Like, to us it's nothing compared to the destruction we know these boys and girls are capable of. Even Bruce is surprised by how well this goes. Still, a little family shot.  
> Anyways, enjoy!

          Bruce really hates it when Alfred is out of town. He ends up with twelve obnoxious children to look after all on his own, even if some of them could be counted as legal adults, and some of them aren’t even his. That is why he’s glad that Stephanie is gone. Just having her out of the mix saves a lot of time. They don’t waste near as much flitting from clothing store to clothing store to stare at anything purple. And Luke is busy. Though, Luke isn't so bad.

          Today is grocery day for the manor, but Bruce has no idea what to do with his kids. He supposes it might be time to call in a favor from the Justice League. They know he supplied them with the Watchtower, and both the Super scout and Hal know who he is, so it should be simple enough to call in a favor. 

          He calls Hal first. They’ve come to a decent, if not begrudging, friendship. “Hal?” 

          “ _Yeah, Wayne? What’s up? I was just about to jump into a brand new F-22, but if you need somethin’-_ ” 

          “I need you to gather up the League.” 

          “ _Why? We got an alien invasion or something going on?_ ” 

          “No. All my kids are at home for the day, but it’s grocery day and I need help.” 

          Hal takes a good few minutes to laugh and Bruce patiently waits for him to finish. If there’s one thing he’s learned in the last few years, it’s patience. Having as many children as he does certainly keeps him on his toes, but shockingly, patience is just as important as thinking fast. He thought he had mastered it once, but being a parent has honed that ability more than he ever would have thought.  

          Hal takes a deep breath, ready to start in on another peal of laughter.  

          “Are you finished?” Bruce asks, his tone a careful warning.  

          “ _Look, it’s not that I don’t like your kids. I think they’re great, and your dedication is great, but we aren’t baby-sitters. That’s what you’ve got the older three or four for, isn’t it?_ ” 

          “They aren’t exactly the greatest help while on grocery runs.” 

          “ _Then why take them with you in the first place? I’m sure they’re old enough to stay home alone, and if they aren’t, you sure could have fooled me._ ” 

          “I can’t leave them here unsupervised. Hal, just... trust me on this. I only have two eyes for the ten of them.” 

          “ _Fine. What do I tell the Justice League, exactly? That Bruce Wayne needs baby-sitters? They aren’t gonna run with that._ ” 

          “Superman will. You will. Wonder Woman probably will. She loves my kids, even if she pretends not to know who we are.” 

          “ _You know what, I’ll figure something out. Just get the kids ready and we’ll meet you outside the marketplace on main, all right? Just try not to get too distracted handing out lunches or something. You are like the dad-est dad to ever dad when your butler is gone._ ” 

          Bruce chooses not to dignify that with a response, hanging up on Hal and heading upstairs to wake up his kids. He tugs his phone out and pulls up the bird alarm that Dick had found amusing. He points it down the hallway and presses play. The effect is almost instantaneous. 

          “Dad, will you turn that shit off!” Jason yells, a muffled thump indicative of him flopping onto the floor in his haste to get moving. 

          Billy yells at him from five doors down. “You shouldn’t say shit!” 

          “Could you all just shut up for three seconds while I get a caffeine buzz going?! I can’t even hear myself think, and this day hasn’t even started!” Tim growls.  

          Dick’s heavy sigh seems to move right through every wall and penetrate the doors of the other boys' rooms. “It’s too early for this.” 

          Duke stumbles out of his bedroom, landing on the floor in a heap before scrambling back inside. “This is what I get for leaving my door open during the night.” 

          Cass wanders out of her room, rubbing tired eyes as she wraps her free arm around Bruce’s waist. Jason continues to curse, mostly because Alfred is gone. Dick, Jason and Kate wouldn’t be here if not for the promise of pancakes and French toast this morning. 

          “Todd, stop your vile swearing! Nothing merits that kind of language at this hour.” 

          “Shut up, you little brat! Bruce thinks he’s gonna wake me up with a damn bird alarm, someone is gonna die!” 

          Damian grumbles. “If you think father won’t wash your mouth out with soap-” 

          “He’d better not!”  

          Harper steps out into the hall, blinking wide eyes at the other boys’ rooms as more screaming and yelling ensues.  “Well, I could’ve told you this was going to happen.” 

          Terry pounds his head against his door. “Just turn it off! We’re up already!” 

          Billy agrees and Bruce is tempted to oblige. Still, there is one person who he hasn’t heard from yet, and he knows she’s there because she said she was staying. Kate has always been a heavy sleeper, but if Bruce turns up the volume.... 

          His kids who are awake all groan and gripe and complain when it only gets louder and Cass covers her ears, squinting up at him. “Is this really necessary?” 

          Kate’s door opens and the first thing he sees is the muzzle of a gun. He promptly turns off the alarm and it retreats back inside. With Kate, guns are never an idle threat despite Bruce's distaste. The boys calm down and file out into the hallway with Bruce, Kate following shortly after with a hard glare and a stern warning. 

          “Breakfast is downstairs on the table. We’re going buffet style since Alfred’s gone, so first come first serve. Better get moving.” 

          They mosey down the stairs, rubbing eyes, yawning, and fixing hair as they go. Jason still gripes about the alarm and Bruce puts a hand on his shoulder, stopping him for a short second. Bruce offers him a smile, ruffling his hair. Jason accepts it, moving for the dining room to snag breakfast before it disappears.  

          “Where’s the syrup? We can’t have French toast or pancakes without syrup!” Jason shouts. 

          Dick presses the huge bottle into his hand. “Calm down, Jaybird. There’ll be time for yelling later.” 

          The dining table fills up quickly, the many seats perfect for his family. It used to be that they were only full during meetings, but Bruce finds that having extra seats is a commodity that he can’t afford not to have these days. 

          Damian threatens to stab Terry with a fork as he takes a third pancake. “That was mine!” 

          “There’s like a million of ‘em, kid. Just pick a different one.” 

          Damian takes a calming breath and Bruce musses his hair. He scowls, but decides to let it fly, picking up another pancake and sitting down across the table. Kate chuckles, picking up a couple of each option and sitting down with an almost serene expression.  

          “Ah, yelling and screaming. Where would I be in my life without you?” 

          Harper picks up five large pancakes and two slices of French toast. Bruce knows better than to question it. Her stomach is like a garbage disposal. The difference is that it never clogs. Cass is the same, piling on the food and drenching the whole plate in syrup. Tim takes three pieces of toast, practically shoving a whole one in his mouth before he even sits down. Bruce quickly pours him a glass of milk to help wash it down so he doesn’t get the hiccups. Billy takes one, knowing that today is meant to be a grocery run. 

          Duke asks for a glass as well and Bruce pulls out three gallons or milk and one orange juice to pass around the table. Jason drags the gallon of orange juice over to his spot and claims it for himself.  

          “Jason, please make sure your eyes aren’t bigger than your stomach this time. We really don’t need a repeat of last week.” 

          Jason blinks, glancing at the juice before asking for a large glass. He pushes the gallon to the middle again as Bruce hands him a plastic cup. There is no good reason to use a real glass with his kids in the house at this time of day. Not unless Alfred is around to subtly threaten murder if they break anything. Terry huffs, taking it after he’s done.  

          “Y’know, this stuff is really good. The stuff in my world all tastes like a preservative in a cup.” 

          Dick elbows Jason as he puts even more syrup on his pancakes. At first, Bruce thinks he might be being the responsible older brother, but instead he snickers. “You know, back in my day....” 

          Jason laughs. “We milked Ol’ Bessie and carried our milk!” 

          Duke nearly chokes before swallowing when Cass pipes up. “We took it uphill!” 

          “Both ways!” Kate adds cheerily.  

          Terry groans, putting his head down on the table and pounding it there. “Why are you like this?” 

          “Because our little brother is from _the future_.” Tim huffs, stabbing a pancake a little recklessly.

          Dick nearly squeals, biting his lip to keep from saying something before choking. He coughs and Bruce sighs, wincing as he knocks over Kate’s glass of water. Kate bolts upright, running to the kitchen for a towel. Jason rubs his big brother’s back as Damian rolls his eyes.  

          “Imbecile.” 

          “Be nice, Damian.” Billy says, pointing with the piece of pancake on his fork.  

          “I’ll show you nice.” Damian grumbles.  

          Bruce leans casually against the doorway, letting his children fuss and argue and scarf food like they do when Alfred is gone. They don’t get this kind of opportunity very often and blowing off a little steam is good for kids. Especially his kids.

          When Jason is finished first, he starts setting up the kitchen for a dish-washing run. “All right, assorted losers. Plates come immediately to the sink after you’re done. If Alfred finds out we let syrup dry into cement on his dishes, someone will find themselves doing them for a year.” 

          He gets a chorus of muffled agreements, siblings with mouths full and plates empty clattering to obey his not-so-veiled order. After the dishes are done, Bruce rounds them all up with their decent public-wear. They don’t have to look as nice as they do at the galas, but they are still going out in public with an image to uphold. While unfortunate, it is the truth, and the boys reluctantly agree. Bruce passes out coats at the door.  

          “All right, everybody. We’re heading to the market on main.” 

          “And the Justice League are coming, right?" Dick asks.

          Bruce confirms it, herding them towards the garage. Bruce, Dick and Jason all take a vehicle, splitting the group up. Damian and Billy immediately volunteer to ride with Bruce. Terry comes along, smiling as Billy drags him. Kate follows shortly after, deciding she’ll take the safest option. Dick likes to take the long way around to get anywhere and Jason is a bit of a reckless driver. That, and Dick's a bit of a grandma if he's not driving on patrol. They’ll get there in one piece, though. That’s what counts. Right?

          Duke, Cass and Tim ride with Dick, which ultimately isn’t a shock. Harper rides with Jason on principle, since he’s the fun one, apparently. He takes off in his rebuilt project vehicle before anyone can change their minds, perfectly happy with the single daredevil in the passenger seat.  

          “So long, suckers!” he shouts out the window, Harper grinning like a maniac next to him. 

          “Don’t cause any crashes!” Bruce calls after him, the warning barely prompting a lifted middle finger before he’s out of the garage.  

          He sighs, rubbing at his temples before sliding into the front seat of his car where his group is already waiting for him. He hears Dick doing a seatbelt check and grins to himself as he pulls away. He reaches Gotham Market within a half-hour, traffic moving fairly quickly. The parking lot is pretty much empty, which is probably a blessing. Jason still hasn’t arrived, which Bruce hopes isn’t because he was detained.  

          Sure enough, the muscle car of his choice slings the corner into the parking lot and skids into a perfect parking job next to Bruce. Billy cheers from the window where he had been cringing for his life only a second before. Bruce can see the wide smile on Harper’s face from where he is. Jason opens his door, standing up on the outside with one smooth movement. Bruce chuckles as Damian hops out, Terry following shortly behind. Jason cuffs Terry on the head, grinning like a loon.  

          “See, kid? You ride with Bruce, you miss all the fun.” 

          “Evidently.” 

          Billy leaps on Jason, Jason hefting him up as Bruce comes around and picks up Damian. Billy grins as he looks at the grocery store, the jersey he’d stolen from Cyborg all those months ago flapping in the light breeze. His nicer outerwear apparently won't be making an appearance despite Bruce's efforts. Kate doesn’t even get out of the car, her feet propped up on the dash. They wait for Dick for about ten minutes, the time frame long enough for the Justice League to start showing up.  

          Flash is shockingly the first to arrive. “Hey, I heard there was an emergency.” 

          Bruce smiles at him. “Flash. I appreciate you coming.” 

          “It’s no problem. It’s the least we can do considering all you do for us, Mr. Wayne.” 

          Bruce shakes his hand just as Harper walks up, her blue hair blowing lightly. “Hi.” 

           Flash grins. “Hi. How are you today, Harper?” 

          “Fine.” She says, snapping a little gum in her mouth.  

          Bruce shakes his head, looking to Damian and reprimanding him lightly for the scowl he wears. The Flash gets on his nerves for some reason, and Bruce would be more than willing to bet that it’s because of his perpetual tardiness. Still, he wasn’t late this time, so Damian really has no reason to be wearing his frown with the potential to level a building.  

          Hal and Superman arrive next, Superman glancing around. “So… this is where the notorious Bruce Wayne shops for food.” 

          Hal shrugs, approaching Bruce with a smile. It’s a little secretive as he glances at the Flash. “Sorry, Mr. Wayne. Spooky couldn’t be here today.”  

          Bruce appreciates the attempt to keep his identity concealed. “It’s all right. That Batman is a busy man.” 

          “Yep. Diana is on her way too, but she’s never been here before, so she might be a bit. This is the first time we’ve actually been invited into Gotham without the Bat’s signature growl.” he says, looking pointedly at Bruce. 

          He’s not sorry. 

          Cyborg is the next to show up, landing with a heavy metal clunk. He approaches Bruce, putting his hand out. “It’s a pleasure, Mr. Wayne. Not our usual kind of emergency, but we owe you a lot. I’m only sorry that Shazam couldn’t join us today.” 

          Bruce smirks, glancing back at the boy on Jason’s shoulder. “I’m sure he’s sorry too.” 

          Cyborg spots Billy in Jason’s arms and his human eye widens. He glances between the pair of them, his robotic mind computing the information with shock. Billy hasn’t had a chance to talk to him in months, his training and school life filling most of his time. Cyborg comes to a conclusion faster than anyone he’s ever seen with a jolt. Damian’s grin is shark-like. He always likes the shock factor. 

          Cyborg stammers. “You… you um, wow. That’s… how did I not see that?” 

          Bruce glances at Flash, who is still in the dark. “We try not to advertise, but I figured you’d know when you saw Billy.” 

          Victor smiles, his voice lowering to a whisper. “Cool. He really wasn’t kidding about being adopted by Batman.” 

          Bruce chuckles, turning his head as Wonder Woman arrives. She lands softly next to Jason, ruffling his hair. Those two know each other very well. He can’t blame her for loving Jason. They all do, even with his slightly murderous inclinations. It’s not like he’d ever hurt them. 

          After about another ten minutes, Dick arrives, pulling slowly into the parking lot and parking next to Jason. His window is open. “Okay, everybody. We’ve arrived. Seatbelts off.” 

          Jason groans. “Did we really have to let the soccer mom drive today?” 

          Tim hops out, smoothing a hand over his long hair and blinking into the sunlight. Bruce always forgets how much time they spend in the shadows. Cass hops out and immediately jumps on his back, Tim taking it in stride and getting his hands under her thighs to support her. Duke rolls his eyes at them as he settles onto the ground, heading over to where the majority of the group is standing.  

          “Is everyone here?” 

          Bruce nods as Dick locks the vehicle and then turns to Kate where she’s still sitting in the car. He snaps his fingers at her as Damian shoots her a wicked smirk. She sighs, groaning as she pulls her feet from the dash and puts her phone away. Harper pats her shoulder as she drags herself from the car.  

          “Bruce, it was warm in there. It’s chilly out here.” 

          “Don’t worry. We’ll be inside in a second. Justice League members, please pick a buddy or two. Please behave. I don’t feel much like having to buy a grocery store today.” 

          Wonder Woman takes Jason and Billy, and Bruce has a feeling Jason and Diana will have a good time if nothing else. Jason has had her wrapped around his finger since day one. Superman takes Tim and Duke, definitely easy ones to handle. They shouldn’t give him too much trouble unless the other boys start something. Cass and Harper go with Flash, Harper giving him a high-five when he puts his hand up. Lantern takes Kate and Terry, hoping for a little security with age. Dick and Damian go with Cyborg.  

          Bruce walks in with them and hands each League member a different part of the shopping list. “Try to deviate as little as possible. No packaged sweets if you can help it. Alfred hates finding those in the house.” 

          “So do we.” Jason grumbles, eyeing Tim with an accusing gaze. “Alfred’s cookies are the best.” 

          “It’s not my fault all of you eat them more quickly, and besides, I live by myself in my apartment and I really shouldn’t be asking Alfred to come cook for me at my age.” 

          “You know he’d love it if you would.” 

          Bruce places a hand on each of their shoulders, effectively stopping the brewing argument and sending them off in their designated directions. He spots the manager and offers her a smile. “Start on your lists, please."

         The boys all smile, Cass and Harper offering their consent before turning away. Bruce sticks with Hal, knowing that he’s still uncomfortable with kids. Kate doesn’t seem to mind, bumping into his shoulder off and on. 

          “Hey, cuz.” 

          “Kate.” 

          Terry stares down at the list. “I’m sorry, but what’s buttermilk? Or... pop-tarts?” 

          Kate snags the list. “You’ve been in our house for seven months and still don’t know what a pop-tart is?” 

          They have a nice stroll through the dairy section and the breakfast aisles, teaching Terry all sorts of food. Kate holds back a laugh as she sees Cyborg dragging Dick from the cereal aisle as he clutches seven boxes to his chest.  

          “That’s enough, Dick.” 

          He pouts burying his face behind the boxes as Cyborg and Damian continue to walk. Bruce chuckles. 

          “What’s Dawn?” Terry says, leaning over Kate’s shoulder to keep reading the list. 

          “It’s dish soap. Pet friendly.”  

          They head to detergents and cleaning supplies, Bruce musing over how much to get. As dirty as Damian’s animals get sometimes.... He picks up seven just to be safe. He also grabs four rolls of thick paper towels to go with it, grabbing the brand that Alfred has specified. 

          “Why does pet friendly matter?” 

          Kate scoffs. “Don’t let Damian hear you say that.” 

          They manage to keep busy for fifteen minutes without hearing any screaming or rambunctious footsteps. It’s then that he remembers Dick’s childhood with vivid clarity. Silence is suspicious. 

          He keeps an eye out for the various groups as they continue, still ten more things on their list. He cruises by the meat, only pausing as something catches his eye. He turns, leaning over the edge of the open frozen section to check on Superman. He’s only sleeping. Thankfully. Still, that means Tim and Duke have escaped to who knows where. Hal leans on the freezer. 

          “You know... I didn’t expect your kids to actively try to take us out.” 

          “Unfortunately, that is what they’re trained for.” 

          Terry rolls his eyes and Kate laughs. “Well, you gotta give him credit. He did try to choose ones that wouldn’t do this.” 

          Hal lifts him from the freezer, green supports carefully made to ensure he doesn’t touch the floor. Bruce calls Tim and finds that they’re two aisles over in the junk food and energy drinks. Duke has grin on his face and he pulls out the most sugary thing possible. 

          “Tim, Duke, all you had to do was ask.” 

          Tim objects. “I did. Superman wanted to be all rule-followy since you said not to deviate from the list.” 

          “So you knocked him out?” 

          “It was just knockout gas. He’ll be fine.” 

          Bruce sighs, gesturing for Tim to put his stuff in the cart and follow them. Hal takes control of their cart, noting that it does have everything on the list. He pats Tim’s head a bit awkwardly.  

          “Hey, at least you only changed it up after you got all the groceries.” 

          Duke huffs. “That’s what I said. I never believed you when you said he was a real boy scout about rules and instructions, but I do now.” 

          Bruce is about to answer when he sees Flash tied up in meat ropes behind the fish counter, the seller gone. He crosses back behind it. “What happened?” 

          Flash narrows his eyes at Bruce, the sausage gag from two aisles previous blocking any answer he might have given. Bruce breaks the string. 

          “Why didn’t you just break out or phase through?” 

          “In case you didn’t notice, I’m covered in about six different consistencies of meat, one brand of hard cheese, and six different types of cod. Still meat, but they felt the need to point out that cod are all different. I can vibrate through a lot, but I didn’t want to blow up the store.” 

          Bruce glances to the case in front of them before Flash reminds him that he’s still tied up in a million foods. “Just take it easy. I called you for a reason, remember?” 

          Flash blinks. “Oh yeah. So... this is why family outings are emergencies?” 

          “They are when my butler isn’t home.” 

          Bruce’s phone chimes and he proudly notes that it’s Jason.  _Made it out of the store. Waiting on you guys._  

          They free Flash and he zips around the store quick to find Harper and Cass. He doesn’t find them. Bruce chuckles as he glances up, seeing them following behind them a short distance on top of the shelves. It’s no wonder he didn’t see them. 

          It takes forever to spot Dick and Damian in a completely different section of the market, stuffed animals everywhere. Cyborg is carefully wading through them to get after them, his face spattered with tomato juice. They’ll need to get him cleaned up if they don’t want it to stain the metal.  

          “Dick.” 

          He whirls. “Bruce!” 

          Damian clicks his tongue. “You didn’t expect us to get caught? I thought you joined me in slowing Cyborg because you had already accepted the consequences.” 

          “Dick. Clean this up, now. Damian, you’ll help him.” 

          “Yes, dad.” 

          “Of course, father. We were merely seeing how careful he would be not to crush the toys seeing as he weighs more than a ton.” 

          Bruce struggles not to smile. Of course Damian would want to test a theory while shopping. "Cyborg, why are you covered in tomato juice?"

          "I'm sorry, Mr. Wayne, but the produce section is a bit destroyed. I don't know who all was involved, but I did see Tim fleeing the scene and Cass and Harper shortly before that."

          He decides not to question it too hard. Bruce will pay any bill he has to pay in order to survive this day. Besides, they were quiet about it. It's better than the last Alfred-less outing they went on.  

          Bruce waves to Cass and Harper to come down once they locate their cart and find it fully stocked with the required items. He grins to himself. Despite Flash’s misfortune, they did get the job done. He glances back as Superman starts to snore. He looks to Hal. 

          “Can I drop him now?” 

          “No. We’ll put him in the trunk if he’s not up by the time we check out.” 

          Terry stares as Dick and Kate start to load the belt leading to the scanner, the cashier watching his expression with amusement. “What? You never seen a conveyor belt before?” 

          Terry blinks. “It that what it is?” 

          “Of course, silly.” 

          Terry shrugs. “Sorry. Forgot. It’s been awhile since I’ve been shopping.” 

          She looks at Bruce, her expression asking just how sheltered he keeps his kids. The answer is not at all, but he’ll let her assume he’s a helicopter parent if it makes her feel a little better. 

          His kids start loading bags as she scans their items and they work like a well-oiled machine to fill the carts back up. Hal smiles at the cashier as Cyborg passes by, offering her an awkward little wave. 

          “Didn’t Wonder Woman just come through here, too?” 

          Bruce confirms it. “She was with Jason. Also, for any damages you find in the fish section, just send the bill. Or anywhere from the last hour, actually.” 

          She laughs. “Whatever you say, Mr. Wayne.” 

          He glances at her name tag. “Thanks, Lacey.” 

          Lacey waves, and Bruce definitely tries not to notice the way she stares as they exit. He’s always been followed by whispers, and he should be used to it by now. It still never ceases to bug him. Good thing he’s got a play-boy persona that he can easily become. 

          When they leave through the automatic door, Bruce stops upon seeing the shoppers square-dancing. In the middle of them all is Jason and Wonder Woman. She’s laughing brightly, a little clumsy as Bruce is sure she hasn’t done this before.  Billy is dancing with what looks like another cashier who just got off her shift.  

          The homeless man in front of the store is playing music for them, his fingers strumming a pleasant tune.  

          Bruce waits until it’s over to round up his family. He thanks the homeless man and Jason comes up to give him a hug. “Thanks, Robbie.” 

          “You’ve been callin’ me that since you was standin’ knee-high, Jas.” 

          “Never did want to call you ‘Bob’.” 

          They say goodbye and Bruce pats his shoulder, smiling at his second-oldest. “Did you have a good time?” 

          Jason nods. “Absolutely.” 

          “Good.”  

          Wonder Woman and Bruce hug once before she flies away. Flash sticks around long enough to shake Bruce’s hand and claim he’s never doing this again before running off. Hal shakes Bruce’s hand and so does Cyborg.  

          “Feel free to call anytime, Wayne.” Hal says. “This wasn’t as bad as I expected.” 

          Bruce chuckles. “Me either, if I’m being honest. Color me shocked.” 

          Once Hal is gone, Bruce settles his gaze on Superman. He’s finally awake, picking himself up off the ground. He blinks, trying to figure out what’s going on. “Did we get groceries? Am I dead?” 

          Bruce scowls. “You aren’t dead.” 

          Superman sighs. “Obviously not. If this were heaven, you most definitely wouldn’t be here.” 

          “Suffice it to say, your chaperoning skills could use a little work.” 

          Superman shrugs. “I didn’t expect your kids to bring sedatives on the shopping trip.” 

          Tim slides into the car next to Dick with a roll of his eyes. “Obviously, you don’t know us at all.” 

          Kate flicks him a lazy salute. “Ditto.” 

          Superman looks at them all as they smile and wave or make faces at him while they pack themselves and the groceries away. “This is officially the most terrifying family.” 

          “You just aren’t used to it.” Bruce says, surprised by the slightly smug undertone to his own voice. Yes, being used to their family is most assuredly something to be proud of. 

          Bruce barely brings himself to shake Superman’s hand, but little else. He flies away with a sigh and Bruce chuckles to himself. If ever there was a way to deter Superman from becoming overly friendly, it appears family shopping trips are it.  

          They all get home and unpacked within a reasonable amount of time, the boys all competing to see who can haul the most groceries on one arm, plastic bags bunched in magnificent, bulging conglomerates. 

          Everything is put away in record time and Jason puts the last bag on the table.  

          “Thanks for being mostly well-behaved. I appreciate the effort to be subtle in your meddling if you did. All of you now have the rest of the day to spend doing whatever you feel like.” 

          Jason grins, pushing the bag down to reveal an enormous package of Red Bull. Not just one. He reaches under the island and grabs three more bags. “Great! Who’s up for a challenge?” 

          “Energy drinks?!” Tim asks, perking up.  

          “Absolutely.” 

          “I’m in.” 

          There’s cheering and whooping and hollering at the declaration of a game. The boys under fifteen – Damian and Billy – both decide not to play, but they do stick around next to Bruce while the older boys all set up to play shots. The girls are, fortunately, smart enough not to play, instead setting up the chess table, attracting Damian and Billy to play teams with them.  

          Jason cheers as Tim ends up taking the first drink. “See, old man? Grocery shopping was nothing compared to this. The real party is just getting started.” 

          Bruce tries to smile. “Have fun.” 

          Jason tugs out a can for himself and chugs it, Tim following suit.  

          “Not too much fun.” 

          Jason and the other boys laugh brightly, completely ignoring him. Bruce sighs. They’ll all be up for the next few weeks, eyes as big as saucers and bags under their eyes. It’s odd for Bruce to realize he doesn’t mind the idea.  

          After all, any time spent with his sons and daughters is a good time. He hopes it never changes. 

**Author's Note:**

> Next stop, Matt McGinnis.  
> Welcome to the Exodus Black, where allll your dreams come true. :)


End file.
